Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
