Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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