You're so nebulous sometimes
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
smell my finger.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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