How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
