Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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