I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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