She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
