he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize