Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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