If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
