If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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