Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
