Don't you send me to vm
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
