Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wanna passion pit in your ass
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
