I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
