NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
