she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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