I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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