If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
