i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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