People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
