Apparently you make a good broom.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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