he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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