I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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