I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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