this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
