I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
