This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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