i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
