You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
