i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
