Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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