Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
