all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize