Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize