So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
