and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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