Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
