remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
