I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
