What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
