i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
