I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
