Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize