The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
