And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
