What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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