how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
