It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
