Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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