Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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