you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
