I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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