I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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