Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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