Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
