ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
