haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
