drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
