are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize