If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
