I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
