Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
