I wanna bring you to show and tell
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
