so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
