There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
