:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
