I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
