I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have fence marks all over my body
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
