she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
love makes seman taste better
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
