VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
