Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize