So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
