I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
