When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
