its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
