I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
