Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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