I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
