Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
