5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
