I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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