i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
