oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
