So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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