I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
from now on my penis is your penis
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
