i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
