Reggie can tackle my bush.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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