she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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