Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
