He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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