john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
