I just cut my nipple shaving
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
