I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Found your dick twin last night
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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