I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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