Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
