I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
