turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
