I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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