she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
