So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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