Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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