Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
