i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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