so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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