Cold hands, warm shart.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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