All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize