I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
