Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
