You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
