I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
