Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
