I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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