Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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