I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
