If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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