Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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